“If you’re like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you’re listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating.” - Dr. Stephen R. Covey
As you navigate your way through life, please don’t be like “most people.” Instead:
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
I have found significantly more success by being considerate and listening carefully with the intent to understand. In other words, I put myself in their shoes. In my experience understanding the other person’s desires and motivations has drastically improved my ability to resolve conflicts and my relationships in general.
Further Reading
Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change is one of my favorite books and likely to be referenced several other times throughout the course of this “project.” Additionally, it appears the original author’s son has created a version for teenagers which is fitting as I strongly believe this should be part of high school curriculum!
